And secondly, I dont vote cause I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. It will not be with jack-boots. [5], Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Cocked, locked, and ready-to-rock. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 2. Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did. ~ (George Carlin). There are, at least, some points we can all agree on. Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. ~ (George Carlin). 81. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? ~ (George Carlin). Tax them. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Why? ", "Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuality. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. Thats the problem." Garbage out. 79. 101. 22. This country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago. 15. He is mostly non-political except for his involvement with the environmental organization, Greenpeace. Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ~ (George Carlin). The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. - Twyla Tharp -- "Let us dance in the sun, wearing windflowers in our hair." If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. He was a true originala brash, intelligent, eloquent voice that cut to the quick. However, most of his bile was reserved for conservatives and Republicans. 111. Some people see the glass half full. I know, they say, they say: well if you dont vote you have no right to complain. ", "The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. No, you don't see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. Toothpicks? ~ (George Carlin). Tits always look better in a pink sweater. ~ (George Carlin). Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason. ~ (George Carlin). I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. The following statement is true. George Carlin 11. Webwelcome to another episode of George Carlin quotes what George Carlin Quotes, What I Think About Politics. 119. "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. It creates a hostile work environment. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Just a friendly reminder that George Carlin would despise and verbally disembowel the vast majority of pundits, public figures, and random idiots currently heaping praise on him because it's trendy. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. The new kid in a high school with a thousand other teenagers. 94. 62. ~ (George Carlin). They will do anything for the unborn. That in of itself should make you think.Carlin performed many standup comedy routines and HBO specials, acted in dozens of television and movie productions, recorded spoken-word albums, and was the author of several books, with titles like Brain Droppings (97) and Napalm and Silly Putty (01).What I loved about Carlin was his dedication to freethinking and independent thought. This is not good work. Religion is like a pair of shoes Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 77. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. March 24, 2023. Theres no such thing. George Carlin If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin George Carlin Quotes on Pride Keep 'em showing up at those 'jobs. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. ~ (George Carlin). They own everything," the quote reads. Love, was the kind of person you could hang out with and [], Slim and soft-spoken, endearingly warm and witty, with an enviable knack for captivating the interest of his audiences during his [], How can a sickly boy, suffering from asthma, rickets and rheumatic fever, transform himself into an accomplished gymnast, a wrestler [], With his simple, unpretentious writing style, characterized by an unfiltered, punchy honesty and violent and sexual imagery, Bukowski managed to [], Born in 1910 in Hall, Indiana, John Robert Wooden, aka the Wizard of Westwood, was an American basketball player and [], Short Funny George Carlin Quotes that will make you Laugh, Best George Carlin Quotes to make you Laugh and Think Out of the Box, Insightful George Carlin Quotes on Politics and Government, Inspirational George Carlin Quotes on Life, Society and People, Provocative George Carlin Quotes on Religion that will Remind you there is a Funny Side of God, 80 Woody Allen Quotes About Missing Your Own Funeral and Other Life Stories, 60+ Edgar Allan Poe Quotes to Take You on a Mystery Ride, 51 Elvis Presley Quotes About the Essence of Life and Rock n Roll, 50 Harvey Milk Quotes To Help Us Never Silence Hope, 44 Astonishing Mary Astell Quotes that Spoke of Gender Equality Earlier Than You Think, 50 Unconventional Quotes From Future About Love And Life, 70 Pertinent James Madison Quotes That Can Still Inspire a Better State, 60 Powerful Led Zeppelin Quotes About Love, Life And Death, 65 Exceptional Ruth Bader Ginsburg Quotes About The Fight For Justice, 70 Ariana Grande Quotes That Will Inspire You And Make You Fall In Love, Best 90 George Orwell Quotes on the Danger of Oppression, 75 Jane Austen Quotes on the Truth of Love, The Best Eckhart Tolle Quotes About Now & Being, 70 Karl Marx Quotes to Form Conscience on Social Issues, 60+ Alexander The Great Quotes on the Idea of an Empire, 99 Leonardo Da Vinci Quotes About Knowledge, Art and Inspiration, 50+ Motivational Leo Buscaglia Quotes on Living and Learning, 100+ Yuval Noah Harari Quotes About the World Today, 70+ Joseph Pilates Quotes About the Pilates Method and Your Bodys Potential, 66 Gritty Charles Bukowski Quotes for Restless Souls, 110 John Wooden Quotes to Help You Coach Yourself. Trouble is, most of them suck. ~ (George Carlin). I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin on the Church I have as much authority as the Pope. It will not be with jack-boots. And armbands. Deal with it. ~ (George Carlin). Pro-life, you don't see many of these anti-abortion women volunteering to have any Black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. ~ (George Carlin). Though he was obviously against Republicans and evangelic conservatism, he also had a penchant for beating up liberal Democrats. Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. WebGeorge Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. 2. I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. Read these quotes to gracefully enhance your views about it and make you reflect upon the essence of human spirituality! Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. God has. Witty George Carlin Quotes. Everything He ever makesdies. Laugh often, long and loud. Dont give your money to the church. 30 Best George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. The planet is fine. Thats the problem. Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. ~ (George Carlin). 30. 21. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 69. April 18, 2023, To Get Exclusive Deals, Latest Products, Free Articles & Libertarian News, 2023 Libertarian Country. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~ (George Carlin). It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people's language with strict codes and rigid rules. What if I want to have a crappy day? ~ (George Carlin). WebFamous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics. It's our undeniably superior (almost god-like) intelligence that made life difficult for us when we were children. The legendary George Carlin reminded us to think deeply but to make sure we take time to laugh and never take ourselves too seriously. 53. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. ~ (George Carlin). Theres no present. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. The people are fucked. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. In America, anyone can become president. 107. Web#1 Dont just teach your children to read. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ~ (George Carlin). It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." I took his shoes. 90. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. Could it be everyone? The less said about it the better. ~ (George Carlin). The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). 17. And how many more manners and gestures [], Quiet spoken, with an amiable smile and an elfin like quality, Eckhart Tolle is the author of international bestsellers The [], Class struggle, class consciousness, alienation, communism and the face of Karl Marx in numerous posters in teenagers and students [], At the age of 12 he tamed a wild stallion, Bucephalus, that later became his beloved companion in battle, and [], Born in 1452, in Anchiano, Tuscany, Leonardo di ser Piero Da Vinci was best known for his paintings of Mona [], Truly adorable and friendly, Leo Buscaglia, aka Dr. Here are some powerful quotes of pure humor and sparkling intellect to follow you through the day! And a 16. I have as much authority as the Pope. It will not be with jack-boots. This wiki was last updated on 11 Apr 2012 by: Today we're opening contributions to all readers. A few laughs with George Carlin. No, that might be something Christ would do! Perhaps those who can really claim him as one of their own are the commoners, we the people, caught in the chaos. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ~ (George Carlin). The challenge is to find it. ~ (George Carlin). 74. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ~ (George Carlin). But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. artists, quotes by a single personality. Lee did not involve himself formally in politics, but he was a symbol of diversity and the synthesis of "East" and "West." 97. What's the fucking mystery? To change your comments display name, click here. As for the poor, they tell us theyve If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. ago Close joke from Blackadder that might predate this. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. The people are f***ed. I'm talking about the real owners, now. 42. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. The people are f***ed. The real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.And, now, they're coming for your Social Security. The future will soon be a thing of the past. ~ (George Carlin). Something is wrong here. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. In recent years, the popularity of George Carlin has amplified among constitutional conservatives, libertarians, anarchists and freethinkers. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. ~ (George Carlin). Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. I hate groups of people. This is the best we can do folks. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Just because you got the monkey off your back, doesnt mean the circus has left town. Follow the link for the full transcript, its worth it, but here are a few choice excerpts: When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? It's impressive that a comedian delivered some of the most thought-provoking and intellectual content ever. Women are crazy. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. ~ (George Carlin). 59. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Many libertarians--such as us--praise Carlin for his intelligent social criticisms and contributions to a countercultural ethos that perpetually challenges political orthodoxy. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 115. I dont get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. Everyone smiles in the same language. ~ (George Carlin). 56. Now it's the zombie liberal.They say politics makes strange bedfellows--because today, the first amendment is under attack from people on the right and the left. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. Tweet. Last Updated: 29th April, 2023 14:09 IST International Dance Day 2023: WhatsApp Messages, Wishes, Greetings, Quotes To Share Celebrate International Dance Day 2023 on April 29 by sending WhatsApp messages, wishes, greetings and quotes to those whose passion is dancing. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea. ~ (George Carlin). 86. If you love someone, set them free. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both f***ed. Never argue with an idiot. Thats the problem. ~ (George Carlin). 120. Others see it half empty. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Two reasons I dont vote: first of all, its meaningless. They're all in favor of the unborn. Web"The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept" - George Carlin Vote 3 comments Add a Comment Slartibartfast39 2 hr. These bright quotes will inspire you to not to take things so seriously in life! I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. They [Catholic teachers] would fall back on, Well, its a mystery.[2]. Pro-lifethese people aren't pro-life, they're killing doctors! Why isn't selling fucking legal?". 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. They've got you by the balls. Thats just common sense! ~ (George Carlin). Carlin proved that mixing comedy with thought-provoking ideas is perhaps the only way to get people to listen. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin. I had an imaginary friend I didnt bother with him. ~ (George Carlin). They're anti-woman. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded. ~ (George Carlin). Life is a near-death experience. ~ (George Carlin). If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. 102. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. ~ (George Carlin). They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. ~ (George Carlin). And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. This is what we have to offer. Its perfect. We dont have people like that in this country. And the main reason women are crazy is that People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. 1. 47. Current quotes, historic quotes, movie quotes, song lyric quotes, game quotes If they come back, set them on fire. ~ (George Carlin). Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Dont just teach your children to read. Ironic that political wings have come to fight over claiming Carlins humor for their own affiliations when his comedy career was a controversial compilation of his own bold assessments and ruthless truths that could offend anyone and everyone on a given topic with neither prejudice nor remorse. Property is theft. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. No president has done right by us. If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ (George Carlin). 135 Notable Oscar Wilde Quotes on Writing and Life, 105 Frederick Douglass Quotes on Progress & Freedom, 55 William Golding Quotes from Author of Lord of the Flies, 67 Salvador Dali Quotes From The Surreal Spanish Artist, 45 Tee Grizzley Quotes from the American Rapper, 32 Jean Toomer Quotes from American Poet & Novelist. Some people see the glass half full. The people are fucked. Heres all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. Religion. Maybe this time itll work. Leave these f**king people alone for Christ's sake. 61. Whether Carlin would like it or not, his observations continue to be relevant in our present state. There are no innocent human beings. ~ (George Carlin). Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin is a philosopherwho follows logicTo claim he is left or right is obtuse. That was me when I was fourteen. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. Maybe this time it'll work. ", "Have you ever wondered whyRepublicansare so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? His comedy routines and sayings are among the most widely spread in our society. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. ~ (George Carlin). They dont fall out of the sky. 76. Others see it half empty. The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. All rights reserved. He was one of the first to know it was all bullshit propagated by government and corporate elites. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. Former U.S. representative wonders: Can you keep an (Anthony) Weiner down? George Carlin Quotes George Denis Patrick Carlin or better known as George Carlin is a Grammy Award-winning American solo comedian, actor and writer. 35. They will only bring you down to their level and beat There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ~ (George Carlin). Though some of these people have always been fans, his social commentary and political criticisms have found new meaning--and a new home--among the right.Though the right-wing and left-wing have "claimed" George Carlin as one of their own heroes, his allegiance was always to himself (another great libertarian tenet), and wasn't going to shill for anyone.If Carlin was ever a hero, it was always for the individual, the rebel, the outcast. Because you have the most money? Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. ~ (George Carlin). I have as much authority as the Pope. Laugh often, long and loud. Everybody says they suck. Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin Featured in: George Carlin Quotes Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. George Carlin George Carlin Quotes 500 WALLPAPERS 8,907 POINTS Seneca Quotes "I have certain rules I live by. Everyone experiences pain, of course. Its interested in its own power. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. For your favorite quotes. So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way: on election-day, I-STAY-HOME. And they will readily admit to being awkward: Im such a klutz! But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver. ~ (George Carlin). 25. If not, no matter." When you die, it all stays here. ago Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. This explains that although teamwork is important, what you can individually bring to a business is equally relevant. 105. I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. 45. Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation." ', and 'Here's all you For Exclusive Deals, New Product Alerts, Free Articles, Libertarian News & More! Theres a humorous side to every situation. 117. If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself cant lift it? ~ (George Carlin). Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? 31. If this is the best God can do, Im not impressed. ~ (George Carlin). FUCK THEM. It's always people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. Here is a selection of Carlins quotes that criticize the political system of our days. It will not be with jack-boots. They own and control the corporations. But wheres the logic in that? It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. ", "Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ~ (George Carlin). Ioanna Zafeiriou Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. Why would God have a favorite country? He joked about it but he was dead serious. If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. So, have a little fun. I think that speaks for itself. Indeed, George Carlin was in a class of his own, however this would only be half the story. Powered by Shopify. 103. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ~ (George Carlin). War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. They made questioners out of us and they really didnt have any answers. Reverend Dr. Aiden (@SweetFnLucifer) May 21, 2022. Every religion is by all means to be respected but the role of the Churches is debatable. 123. Teach them to question what they read. Somebodys wasting their fucking time. He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, Monday Motivation: 36 Powerful Quotes to Jump-Start the Beginning of Your Week, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. ", If you can't beat them, arrange to havethem beaten., Laugh often, long, and loud. George Carlin was a stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. While breaking down these claims on political correctness, Carlin implements his own set of values. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. ~ (George Carlin). I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. ~ (George Carlin). 12. There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting! ~ (George Carlin). Everyone smiles in the same George Carlin had a lot to say, and we were always ready to listen. Who in fact did not even leave the house on election-day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done, and have every RIGHT to complain as loud as I want, about the mess YOU created, that I had nothing to do with. They own you. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or could not say.